Don’t you think I know what’s going on? Don’t you think I may have already realized what road I’m on a long time ago? Wait, no it wouldn’t hit you. It doesn’t make you the damsel in distress, so no.
When we’re young, we’re told that we can do anything and go anywhere as long as we had the drive and said, “please” and “thank you.” That is complete and utter bullshit. If your hair’s a little darker than human resource person might like, you aren’t getting the job. If your pants size isn’t in the single digits, you’re lazy. If you have tattoos, you rob banks and worship the devil. If you have any hint of Spanish origin in your name, automatically you grew up in a house of 12 and are attempting to get your slice of the American Dream. These are realities that the common cluster of America refuse to acknowledge and will forever ignore. Again, if it doesn’t make you look good, then it doesn’t matter. Look good, or put you in distress.
If there’s anything I feel sorry for, its the walls of the rooms, where ever I reside. They are what see and hear my thoughts, my heart and the constant fight I have with myself. I sometimes think I should put up Yellow Wallpaper. It would only be fitting. Half the people reading this won’t get that.
I hear people laugh outside, and it makes me nauseous. I even delayed a nap just to hang a big black curtain, hoping the sound waves of laughter would stop at the material before making it to my ears.
And isn’t it sad, I have no where to vent, but to a piece of technology that doesn’t give feedback. It is so true; In the end, no one cares. And I don’t expect them to. But let’s just say I’ve got a lot of acquaintances that should audition for Broadway because they sure sold me a lie.
I love my black, but I’ve finally let it fill my heart unintentionally. I no longer feel a steady thump in my chest. Its become more a cold shock through my veins that let’s me know I’m alive. I don’t know how I emit somewhat of a warmth to others. Maybe I’m losing that, too.
I don’t want easy. Easy is for sluts and weak people. But I’ve forgotten how to ask for help.
Cold Shock
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You will find your way out of this dark place. Just remember that sometimes we all have to go through the dark night in order to see the beautiful sunrise.
From Footsteps in the Sand…
And YOU said:
“I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
The LORD replied:
“My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you,
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”